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Name: Chris
DW username: fairytalelie
E-Mail: whatineverhad[at]gmail.com
IM: grayintogreen (AIM)
Plurk: quasigina

Other Characters: Rocket beatupgrass
Mabel Pines powerofmabel

Character Name: Rumplestiltskin, aka Mr. Gold
Series: Once Upon a Time
Timeline: 5x06: The Bear and the Bow
Canon Resource Link: Rumplestiltskin and Mr. Gold
Character History: As the son of a coward and a con, Rumplestiltskin found himself more world-weary and sensible at the age of eight than most people manage in their entire lifetime, and that's enough to make any kid want to run away and join the circus at the earliest available opportunity. Love, unfortunately, is a fatal flaw when it comes to Rumple- every horrific event in his life can be traced back to loving something or someone too much- and it began with his father.

Malcolm didn't love his son (at least not a father's love), a fact that Rumple wasn't aware of until too late, being young and naive and overwhelmed with love for the only parent he had. It didn't matter that the bastard earned a living by being a con or that he often spent all their money on liquor- he was his father and he loved him and he wanted to be with him, as evidenced by the emotional breakdown he has when his father tries to pawn him off on a couple of spinsters to get him out of the way. Rather than choose a new life for himself- a selfish decision he had earned- per the spinsters' warning that he would never escape his father's name, he took the magic bean they gave him and tried to use it to get a fresh start with his father.
His father insisted they go to Neverland.

It became clear to Rumple upon their arrival that Malcolm had no interest in a fresh start with his son- Neverland was a place from his dreams and all he cared about was fulfilling his wishes, dragging his long-suffering eight-year-old around with him, all while Rumple never quite lost hope in the idea that eventually his father would come down from his high and they'd be able to move on. This led to the most defining moment of Rumple's life (and Malcolm's as well)- Malcolm, unable to embrace Neverland the way he wanted to because of his son, traded Rumple for eternal youth, sending the boy back to the spinsters and becoming Peter Pan. Rumple was left abandoned and everyone in the village embraced his father as a coward- a legacy Rumple, himself, grew up in the shadow of. That legacy haunted him for years until eventually he strived to be rid of it once and for all.

Years later, now married to a woman named Milah and living a provincial life as a spinner, Rumple enlisted in the Duke's army to fight in the Ogre Wars- a bloody, violent war that had been claiming lives left and right. Believing that fighting in the war would restore his honor and liberate him from his father's name, Rumple was thrilled at the opportunity... right up until he got to the front. Rumplestiltskin had not grown up a brave man- quite the opposite, actually. And his anxiety and fear of what might happen was only worsened when he met a young Seer in camp, who told him his wife was pregnant and that "his actions on the battlefield would leave his son fatherless." Interpreting her words as his own inevitable death and scared he'd leave his own child to grow up as he did, Rumple made the first rash decision in a long line of rash decisions- he hobbled himself with a sledgehammer (OKAY KATHY BATES) so he'd be sent home without ever fighting.

This, understandably, did not work out that well for him. His intentions may have been good, but the action, itself, was cowardly, and he was branded the village coward, alienated from Milah, and left with only one good thing in his life- his newborn son Baelfire.
Years passed and he and Milah became increasingly more tense, due to his refusal to leave the village and get a fresh start (simultaneously out of fear of what happened the LAST TIME he tried that and because he felt he deserved his fate). Milah became enamored with a pirate named Killian Jones, who allegedly "kidnapped" her and then challenged Rumple to a duel to win her back. Rumple, knowing he would lose a fight against a pirate, refused to even try, leaving him to tell his son that Milah had died, rather than admit the truth- that his own actions were the cause of Milah's departure.

For years after that, it was just Rumple and Baelfire, and Rumple contented himself with that. They lived a decent life, even if it was in squalor and shame, and Bae grew up looking after his father more than the other way around. However, the Ogre Wars were still being fought and growing worse by the minute. The Duke began drafting children, lowering the age of the draft to fourteen and Baelfire was due to turn fourteen soon, leaving Rumple with no choice but to flee the village with his son. Unfortunately, they were caught by the Duke's soldiers and Hordor, their leader, taunted Rumple, relentlessly, forcing him to kiss his boot in front of his son to avoid being punished for deserting. Broken, Rumple and Bae were forced to return home, aided by a kindly beggar that Rumple had given money to on the road, who promised to repay Rumple's kindness by being his "benefactor."

A desperate Rumple confessed to the beggar that he had nothing but his son and that losing him would break him utterly. The beggar, in turn, explained the Duke had enslaved the Dark One- the most powerful sorcerer in all the realm- and that if Rumple could steal the Dark One's dagger, then he could control the Dark One and protect his son. Rumple admitted he was too afraid to control something that powerful, so the beggar offered another option- kill the Dark One and take the power for himself.

Rumple decided that seemed legit enough and set fire to the Duke's castle.

Once the dagger was in his possession and the Duke's castle properly burninated, Rumple summoned the Dark One and ordered him to submit. Sensing Rumple's lack of commitment to (literal) sparkle motion, because of his fear of the power he was in control of, the Dark One taunted him, telling him that Baelfire was probably a bastard because Milah fucked the pool boy or something along those lines and Rumple, acting on years of pent-up rage and frustration, stabbed him in the heart with the dagger. This turned out to be a mistake as the Dark One turned out to be the beggar and this was all an elaborate scheme to transfer his curse to another poor sap. The beggar died and Rumple became the new Dark One, sparkles and all.

It took approximately .5 seconds for him to go mad with power and not consider the weight of the Dark One’s dying words at what a curse this power was, killing the men who were coming to take his son away and striking fear into the hearts of his entire village. This, unfortunately, wasn't exactly what Baelfire had wanted in the grand scheme of things, and thus began the downward spiral of that relationship.

Fearing Bae would leave him, Rumple became overly protective and smothering, claiming it was because he feared that someone would use Bae as leverage to steal his power away or to hurt him because they couldn't touch the Dark One. (And probably believed this too, even if it wasn't the only reason.) Bae, in turn, grew to resent his father for not trusting him enough and being a violent douchebag who went around terrorizing the village, simply because he had thirty years of being everyone's bitch committed to memory and it was time for a little payback. This led to Bae running off to Hamlin (yes that Hamlin) after hearing some totally sweet pipe tunes and Rumple mercilessly hunting down the alleged pied piper, who turned out to be.... His father.

Meeting his eternally fourteen-and-with-great-eyebrows papa again shook Rumple to his core, proving you can give a guy sparkles and magical powers, but that will not change his daddy issues. Pan explained he intended to take Baelfire back to Neverland with him, but offered Rumple a deal- if he asks Bae if he wants to return home with him, then he'll be allowed to go, but if Bae refuses, then he'll go to Neverland with Pan. Rumple refused to take the deal, stealing Bae back to their home, where Bae revealed he knew exactly what Pan was doing and that the deal was a scam- he was going to return home with him, but he needed to prove that Rumple trusted him. Rumple, in one of many attempts to cover his own ass, explained that Pan couldn't be trusted, but refused to tell Bae why beyond that when he was younger, Pan had betrayed him. Understandably, this wasn't a good enough answer by Bae's standards and Rumple eventually stopped hovering so much, allowing him to go out and make friends to prove he totally could trust him not to run away. Really.

Eventually, Bae offered Rumple a deal- if he could figure out a way to break the Dark One's curse without killing either of them, then Rumple would take it and they could get their family back on track. Rumple agreed to these terms, but when Bae's foolproof plan turned out to be a magic bean that led to a world without magic, he panicked in a combination of remembering the last time he went through a portal and also because he needed his magic. In the end, Bae went through the portal alone and Rumple was left realizing he'd just made a huge mistake- one that would haunt him for the rest of his life. The Seer's prophecy had finally been fulfilled. To congratulate her on being a vague-ass bitch, he tracked her down, took her powers from her, and killed her (granted she... kinda asked him to), becoming a Seer himself. In her dying breath, she left him with one last prophecy- a young boy would lead him to his son, but the boy would be his undoing.

That didn't really bother him because he could just kill the kid (duh), so Rumple set out to find another magic bean, which led him to a shady bastard named Smee, who claimed to have one and would trade it if Rumple agreed to make him young again. Rumple was prepared to make the trade when he noticed that Killian Jones was back in town and his desire for revenge got the better of him. He cornered him in an alley, taunted him, and challenged him to the duel he refused years ago. Rumple wiped the floor with him, but just before he could deal the killing blow, Milah appeared. The reunion was a bitter one with Rumple being annoyed as hell that Milah had chosen a pirate over him and had the gall to be happy with him, but Milah offered him a deal- she would give him the bean she stole from Smee and, in return, he'd spare their lives. Rumple agreed, but on the day of the exchange, he fucked everything up by throwing a raving hissy fit at Milah and blaming her for what happened to Baelfire. This argument led to Milah saying she'd never loved him and in a fit of rage, Rumple ripped her heart out and crushed it, sending Killian into his own fit of rage. The pirate vowed revenge, and refused to give up the bean because Rumple didn't keep his word, leading Rumple to cut off his hand. Unfortunately, Rumple did not learn fucking ANYTHING about sleight of hand from his con father, because Killian had tricked him, leaving him with the right hand of a pirate who had just become Captain Hook. Dammit.

Over the next several centuries, Rumple became everyone's favorite Faustian demon- making deals wherever he could in the name of developing a reputation and gathering everything he needed to execute his plan to get back to Bae. Knowing that without Bae, he was little more than a monster, a monster is what he became, one who earned the fear and respect of lesser mortals, who came to him at their most desperate. It was something to occupy his time while he worked on his master plan and it taught everyone object lessons about the price of magic- one he'd been bearing for ages. Rumple is nothing if not vindictive in the desire to teach people the same lessons he learned the hard way.

A dark curse was required to bring him to the Land Without Magic, but casting it himself was out of the question, because the price was too great (and because a seer told him he wouldn't cast it). He would need someone else to cast the curse and that person was the daughter of a particular miller's daughter- Cora. The girl in question had been imprisoned in a tower because she claimed she could spin straw into gold and Rumple offered to help her in exchange for her firstborn. Cora, however, wasn't having any of that and said that she'd make the deal, but only if Rumple taught her magic. They agreed and the two became lovers, all while Cora schemed her way to the throne. Their individual scheming came to a head, however, as Cora's wedding day approached. Rumple, once again blinded by love, changed the deal so that Cora would bear him his child and the two of them could run away together and likely forget their individual goals, but at the last minute, Cora crapped out on him, leaving Rumple to believe for years that she had betrayed him for power and because of the deal being changed, he would never be able to have her daughter.

Or so Cora thought.

Cora's daughter, Regina, was prophesized to cast that dark curse and Rumple being a manipulative fuck accustomed to getting what he wanted, was going to ensnare her one way or another. It helped that Cora, due to the lengths she'd taken to ensure nothing stopped her from reaching her goals (like ripping out her own heart), wasn't much of a mother and had left Regina a bitter broken bird with a lot of anger she didn't know how to deal with. Rumple took advantage of that- offering Regina a means to get rid of her mother without killing her. This led to Regina realizing she had a gift (and worse- a passion) for magic and Rumple took her under his wing.

This didn’t really sit well with Cora’s OTHER DAUGHTER, who had been spirited away in a magical green tornado to Oz some years before Cora shacked up with her current husband,, due to Cora not wanting an illegitimate child ruining her chances of having the life she wanted.. Said daughter, Zelena, was very Jan Brady about Regina getting everything and traveled to the Enchanted Forest in order to usurp Regina as Rumple’s student, because Regina wasn’t as skilled as she was. At first, Rumple indulged her, but revealed that he had literally no interest in using her to cast his curse, due to the fact that her obsessive “love” for him made her far too dangerous, and went back to Regina. This would turn out to be a huge mistake.

Unfortunately, Regina was not committed to sparkle motion- she didn’t have the stomach for the dark magic. Claiming she was wasting his time because she couldn’t get over her dead boyfriend and was only invested in magic as a means to bring him back, Rumple devised a plan. With the help of his portal-jumping hatter friend Jefferson, he traveled to a World Without Color where he met Victor Frankenstein and offered him a deal- he’d fund Frankenstein’s research so he could revive the dead and provide him with a magical heart that could save his brother, if Victor would come back to the Enchanted Forest with him. From there, Rumple, Victor, and Jefferson schemed to trick Regina, convincing her that if Victor couldn’t revive her dead boyfriend, then no one could. The trick worked and Regina committed to her anger and her lessons. Basically, don’t ever deny Rumple what he wants- he will go to ridiculously complicated means to make sure he gets it.

Eventually (and perhaps inevitably), Rumple and Regina’s relationship became less about magic lessons and more about inflicting pain on each other. Rumple was determined to break her spirit so severely that she would have no choice but to cast the Dark Curse, shifting every domino so that it left Regina with nothing. And he did this primarily through his meddling in the affairs of Regina’s sworn enemy Snow White and her Prince Charming. By bringing them together, he thwarted nearly every one of Regina’s grand schemes to be rid of Snow White, driving her farther and farther into darkness.

Unfortunately for him, Regina can also play hardball, as we shall soon see.

At some point, Rumple enlisted the help of three powerful sorceresses (Ursula, Cruella, and Maleficent) to journey to Bald Mountain in order to obtain the Dark Curse… that he made…. Why was it even there??? I DON’T KNOW. Anyway, the sorceresses succeeded, but after handing over the curse to Rumple, the Dark One abandoned them to face the Chernabog alone, expecting them to die. That did not happen, because girl power is stronger than Rumple being a shitheel.

Rumple’s determination to get his curse cast so he could find his son was derailed when he met Belle- a princess from a kingdom under threat from ogres. Belle agreed to go with him and be his maid if he promised to protect her village and the deal was struck. At first the pair of them were antagonistic- Rumple refused to let anyone (least of all a young woman) see that he was more than a monster and Belle was determined to not fear him and let him walk all over her- but after Rumple spared the life of a thief who had stolen from him in order to save a wife and unborn child, Belle began to suspect there was more to the story. Her kindness caught Rumple off-guard and over the next several months, he began to grow fond of her.

Anyway, remember those sorceresses he fucked over before? Well, they come back and decide to kidnap Belle in order to barter for a magical gauntlet that will allow them to find their enemies’ weaknesses. After a dramatic confrontation, Rumple turns over the gauntlet to save Belle, prompting Belle to ask why he cares for her, which he… tsunderes his way out of. Later, it’s revealed that Rumple never actually traded anything away at all, and that all of it was just show, as he would clearly never give up such a powerful artifact for a mere girl. This will surely not bite him on the ass later.

Anyway, Rumple eventually lets Belle go, expecting that she would never return to him, but she did return, much to his surprise. However, when she kissed him and began to break the curse over him, he panicked, believing Belle had been sent by Regina to take his magic away and make him weak. He eventually sent Belle away again, claiming he didn’t want her and that his magic meant more to him than her, but Belle called bullshit- he was just too much of a coward to choose True Love ™ over his power..

Later, while he was in the middle of brooding over his newly lost True Love ™, Regina stopped by and explained that Belle had been killed (in all actuality, Regina had kidnapped her), sending Rumple into a fit of despair, and giving Regina some leverage over him, as he was too self-deprecating to even suspect for a second that she might be lying- he’s a monster and bad things happen to people he loves. Why wouldn’t it be true?

With Belle gone, Rumple continued to set things in motion for his curse, and for reasons absolutely no one fucking knows, he set his sights on Cinderella, taking the place of her fairy godmother and sending her to the ball in exchange for her firstborn child. Ella and her prince were having none of that, however, and devised a plan with Snow White and Prince Charming to capture Rumple (using magic nullifying squid ink) and snake their way out of the deal. The plan succeeded, although Ella lost her prince as the cost for breaking the deal (he turned up okay later, though, so… no harm done???).

Rumple was imprisoned in a cell in the dwarf mines, where he remained until Regina vowed to cast her dark curse (that was actually Rumple’s dark curse, but who’s counting?), which was when Snow White and Charming paid him a visit and he revealed the details of the curse to them- they were going to be ripped away from their land and transported to another land where they would be separated from those they loved with no memories of their life in the Enchanted Forest, locked in a time loop for eternity until a savior could break the curse. He revealed that their unborn daughter would be that savior and demanded her name as payment for the information. Using squid ink he had hidden in his cell (that he could have left AT ANY TIME, but chose not to, because he was “right where he wanted to be”), he wrote the child’s name down over and over again so that it would stick in his mind, and when the curse hit, he was transported to Storybrooke, Maine with everyone else.

For twenty-eight years, Rumplestiltskin was Mr. Gold, pawnbroker and landlord, who held most of the real power in Regina’s personal fantasyland, beyond the fact that, unlike her, he couldn’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until the night Emma Swan came to town and introduced herself that his memories came rushing back, per a loophole in the curse he worked in- Emma, the name of Snow White and Prince Charming’s daughter. The Savior.

During Emma’s stay in Storybrooke, Gold began to push her towards breaking the curse, using any means necessary, often through manipulation and twisted gambits. The pair of them butted heads, as Emma found his methods repulsive, but Gold never relented and continued to play up the helpful pawnbroker act wherever possible, all in the name of getting Emma to accept her destiny. He also managed to get a favor out of her through Cinderella (now Ashley Boyd) still owing him her firstborn- if he let Ashley keep her baby, then Emma would owe him a favor one day.

Eventually, Regina cottoned onto the fact that he remembered and when he wouldn’t deign to discuss the matter with her, she resorted to a game of her own. Using Belle’s father as her lackey, she had Gold’s most cherished possession- a teacup that Belle had chipped while she was staying with him- stolen from his home, causing Gold to nearly beat the man to death over both it and the fact that he blamed him for Belle’s “death.” Emma arrived just in time to put a stop to it and arrested him and once imprisoned, he was free for Regina to chat with to her heart’s content. She forced him to reveal that he does, in fact, remember everything now and the two of them began to scheme behind the scenes. Despite attempting to help Regina be rid of Emma and her meddling, he used his advantageous position in her good graces to thwart her plans from within, constantly pushing for Emma to break the curse without showing his hand.

During the curse, Gold began to get suspicious of a stranger in town named August Booth, who seemed to be really obsessed with him- poking around his shop, etc. After finding a drawing of the Dark One’s dagger in his hotel room and hearing that August was in town “looking for his father,” he convinced himself that August was his son and confronted him in the woods. August admitted to being Baelfire and the two of them shared a heartfelt reunion, after which August admitted he was looking for the dagger, believing that if Gold still had it, he hadn’t changed. Gold found it for him and handed it over, telling him that he didn’t need it anymore now that he had his son. Unfortunately, August then promptly tried to control him with the dagger and showed his hand- he wasn’t Bae at all, merely using Gold’s feelings for his son to blind and trick him. Unable to control him because there’s no magic in Storybrooke, Gold fought back and threatened August, demanding to know why he wanted the dagger and August explained that he was sick and needed magic and that he couldn’t rely on Emma breaking the curse. The two of them struck a bargain- since August was a dead man either way, at least if he got Emma to break the curse, Gold will have gotten something out of him.

Things finally reached a turning point when Emma’s biological son and Regina’s adopted son Henry fell under a sleeping curse meant for Emma, forcing both women to come to Gold for assistance. Gold revealed the existence of a potion made of pure True Love, the strongest magic of all, that he made using strands of Snow White and Charming’s hair. Suggesting that the potion could restore Henry, Gold sent Emma to fetch it from the dragon that Regina’s been keeping underneath the clocktower. However, after Emma succeeded, he tricked her into giving him the potion, leaving her empty-handed and with no way to save her son but with an accidental True Love’s Kiss that broke the curse over the town once and for all.

Ah, but it wasn’t over yet. After reuniting with a newly freed Belle, Rumple leads her out to a well in the middle of the woods and drops the True Love potion into it, revealing that he’s bringing magic to Storybrooke, because “magic is power.”

Unfortunately, bringing magic to Storybrooke had an unforeseen “price”- namely that anyone who crossed the town line lost their memories and defaulted back to their cursed state. Unable to track down Baelfire until the curse over the line was broken, Gold set about trying to fix that, while also trying to make his relationship with Belle work. Unable to explain to her why he needs magic, Belle leaves him in a huff, prompting him to search for her. After a harrowing ordeal involving her father attempting to send her over the town line to erase her memories of having ever loved Gold, she told both men she never wanted to see them again. To apologize, Gold gave her the key to the town library and told her about his son and why he needs magic to get to him- he’s still a coward and magic is a crutch he can’t walk without. He intended to leave her to live her life without him, having explaining his hard backstory to her, but Belle decided to give him another chance if they can take it slowly- hamburger dates, basically.

During this time, Emma and Snow White fell through a portal back to the Enchanted Forest and managed to get information back that they had met up with Cora there. Determined to keep Cora from entering Storybrooke, Regina and Gold teamed up to keep her out at any cost- including killing Emma and Snow- but Regina crapped out at the last minute. Luckily, Cora didn’t come through and Gold later apologized to Emma for assuming she wasn’t capable of handling the situation. Emma confronted him about the squid ink in his cell, which she found and used to escape, and demanded to know if everything about her was just a part of his game, to which he replied, “I created the curse, dearie, but I didn’t make you,” implying that everything Emma is, including being the product of True Love, was her and her parents’ doing and he only took advantage of it, meaning he wasn’t aware of what Emma could do- she has extremely powerful magic and Cora wasn’t capable of taking her heart.

Gold eventually found a loophole around the town line curse by enchanting an object he held dear with a potion and carrying the object on him. He chooses Bae’s shawl to be that talisman and informed an excited Belle that he only had enough potion for one person to cross the line and she wouldn’t be able to come with him, despite him wishing she could. Later that day, Belle was attacked by none other than Captain Hook, who arrived in Storybrooke with Cora via a magic bean. The attack was meant to get Gold out of his shop so Hook’s first mate (Smee, himself) could break in and steal the shawl. Gold vowed to get the shawl back himself and begged Belle to stay out of the way, fearing she’d get hurt, but Belle takes orders from no man and went to confront Hook, herself.

Gold eventually found his way to the ship where he nearly beat Hook to death and only stopped after Belle told him that she sees good in him and that Hook only wanted to prove he was nothing more than a beast. Gold spared Hook’s life and he and Belle went to the town line to test the potion- it worked and he was able to cross the town line, but just before he and Belle could share their victory kiss, Hook appeared and shot Belle in the shoulder, causing her to fall over the town line and lose her memories. Hook then demanded that Gold finish what he started and Gold summoned a fireball to BURN THE BITCH DOWN, but a car driving into Storybrooke distracted him, hit Hook, and then crashed. Emma and her parents arrived on the scene and Belle was rushed to the hospital, where Gold tried to restore her memories with True Love’s Kiss. Unfortunately, when someone doesn’t have memories, it’s more like True Love’s Sexual Assault Charge and, defeated, Gold tried to leave, only to be accosted by the town who want him to heal the stranger who crashed. Gold refused, claiming he owed no one anything and that healing the stranger would only invite questions because he saw him throwing magic around- it would be better if he died.

Gold retired to his shop, attempting to figure out a cure for memory loss, where he was met by Cora. After some banter, Cora gave him a peace offering in the form of an enchanted globe that would help him find Baelfire- in exchange, she wanted him to spare her and Regina and let them attempt to reconcile. He agreed to her terms and Cora insisted they seal it “like they used to”- with a kiss.

He returned to the hospital with the chipped teacup and begged Belle to look at it in the hope that it would restore her memories, but Belle, frightened because he was being REALLY WEIRD, threw it against the wall and smashed it, leaving Gold with no choice but to leave her in the hospital and set out on his journey to find his son.

Calling in his favor from Emma, she and Henry were forced to accompany him to Manhattan where he panic attacked his way through airport security, because being out of his element startled him. Eventually, they found Baelfire’s apartment, but when Emma tried to get him to answer the door, he took off down the fire escape. Gold explained that the favor he’d been saving all this time was for her to get Bae to talk to him and sent her chasing after him, while he received life advice from an eleven –year-old. Emma returned empty handed and Gold’s logical response was to break into his son’s apartment, despite Emma’s protests, and realized in doing so that Emma and Bae have met before. The two of them began to fight, but before Gold could get violent, Bae arrived to put a stop to it. As it turned out, Bae was actually Neal Cassidy in this world… and the father of Emma’s son, making Gold Henry’s grandfather.

Neal refused to talk to his father until Gold pointed out that Emma’s deal won’t be fulfilled until he does, proving that he can even manipulate his son (what a dick). Neal granted him five minutes and Gold fumbled his way through his apologies and Neal wouldn’t buy any of it, claiming that Gold hadn’t changed at all and that he was still using magic to fix his problems. He refused to forgive him and Gold was left with the sorrow that his journey had come to this and that the boy destined to be his undoing- Henry- was actually his own grandson.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Hook managed to make it to Manhattan (not deterred by the town line curse because he wasn’t cursed to begin with), where he tracked down Gold and stabbed him with his… hook. As if brutal shanking weren’t enough of a downer, Hook poisoned him with dreamshade- a deadly poison from Neverland- and Neal and Emma begin frantically rushing around to figure out a way to get him back to Storybrooke before he died. Proving that everything is awful when you’re part of the Charming family, Emma also got a phonecall from Snow back in Storybrooke saying that Cora and Regina are searching for the Dark One’s dagger in order to control Gold. Emma emotionally manipulated Gold into giving up the location of his dagger so her parents could find it first (claiming that he ought to trust his family, if he trusted anyone), and Neal carried them back to Storybrooke on Hook’s ship. Unfortunately, by the time they arrived, Cora and Regina had found the dagger and chose not to control him, because of the state he’s in, planning, instead, to kill him so Cora could become the new Dark One. Emma, her parents, Neal, and Gold made base camp Gold’s shop and Gold proceeded to manipulate everyone in the room, even while dying of poison. He convinced Emma to use a protection spell, teaching her a fundamental lesson of magic- it’s emotion, not an intellectual endeavor. More importantly, he manipulated Snow’s anger at Cora by giving her a magical candle that would trade his life for Cora’s if Snow lights it over Cora’s heart, telling her it’s the only way she can keep anyone else she loves from dying.

As time ticked on and Cora and Regina continued to try to get through the barrier, Gold asked Emma to let him speak with Belle and gave her a heartbreaking, moving speech about who she is, since she couldn’t remember. The love behind the speech moved Neal, who claimed he didn’t think his father had that in him and Gold admitted that everything he’d ever done had been motivated by love. The two of them share a tender embrace just before Cora and Regina break through. Cora eventually made it to Gold and he told her that he saw a vision that this day would come, but it never told him what he really wanted to know- if she ever really loved him. She explained that he was the only man she ever loved and that was why she had to rip her own heart out. AND JUST BEFORE SHE COULD STAB HIM IN HIS, Regina appeared and shoved Cora’s heart back into her body. As it turned out, Snow successfully cursed it and then manipulated Regina into giving it back to Cora, thus causing Regina to unwittingly kill her own mother. Gold lives, Cora dies, and Regina swears revenge. Must be Sunday.

Newly restored to life, Gold attended Regina’s private funeral for Cora, claiming that despite everything, she still meant a great deal to him and would always have a place in his heart. He tried to impart advice to Regina about moving on from revenge or risk losing Henry, and that she couldn’t have everything. Regina, however, refused to listen, and Gold promptly ran and told the Charmings, but, at first, refused to get involved any further until Charming reminded him that he owed Snow a debt for saving his life. The two of them uncover Regina’s plot- a spell that will convince Henry that he loves Regina and only Regina that she must cast using Snow’s heart- and Gold basically ollied out, because warning them about the curse fulfilled his end of the bargain and his only suggestion was that they kill Regina, because a blood feud could only be ended with the spilling of more blood. With some prompting from Henry, Regina destroyed the curse on her own, and spared Snow, but her roaring rampage of revenge wasn’t over yet.

Still unable to reconcile with Neal, Gold tried to turn his focus to Belle, believing that if he could restore her memories, then it would prove he really had changed and that Neal would see the good in him and they could be one big happy family. Thanks to his heartfelt speech, Belle was a little more open to speaking with him now and the two of them struck an agreement that he’d help her get her memories back, if she’d help him “remember who he is.” Regina, however, triggered “sleeper” memories in Belle, convincing her she was a barfly named Lacey who wanted nothing to do with Gold’s lovelorn puppy advances. With Charming’s help (and he now owed HIM a favor too), he managed to convince her to go on a date with him and presented himself as the man that Belle loved- a kind of awkward, dopey man who is utterly in love with her and wouldn’t hurt anyone- which Lacey admitted surprised her as she’d heard he was ruthless and vicious. After Gold accidentally spilled wine on her, Lacey excused herself and then never returned, forcing Gold to go looking for her, and finding her with another man. Lacey told him that she wasn’t Belle and that she didn’t love him and stormed off, leaving Gold to admit that no, she wasn’t Belle at all, and when the man Lacey was macking on attempted to reconcile with him, Gold realized there’s no point in him trying to be good anymore. He tore the man’s tongue out with magic and began beating him violently, which Lacey witnessed and became sadistically enamored of him because he was “as dark as they say.” Seeing this as his way of getting Belle back and protecting Lacey from herself, because that’s totally logical, Gold retorted that he was “much darker” and continued assaulting the man, much to Lacey’s amusement.

Gold began to spend most of his time entertaining Lacey at the expense of his son, who had invited his fiancé to stay with them in Storybrooke. After Neal broke up a fight between his father and another man who he believed was “eyeing” his girlfriend, the two of them argued about how he hadn’t changed a bit, while Gold called BS on Neal’s relationship with Tamara, because he still carried a torch for Emma. The two of them parted ways on bad terms and Gold retired to his shop to drown his troubles with Lacey. As usual, this was interrupted by Charming and Snow who inform him that Regina has been abducted. At first, Gold refused their pleas for help, because he was pretty chill with the idea of Regina being missing, but Charming called in his favor and forced him to help. Unfortunately, Lacey happened to be eavesdropping on the conversation, so the magical elephant in the room was now visible. Luckily, she thought it was the coolest shit ever and he proceeded to show off to her like a pimp. She asked him if he could make her young forever so “they can be together,” but Gold confided in her about the prophecy saying that while he’ll live forever, he can be killed and that his death was imminent. Lacey challenged him by saying she thought he was a man who wouldn’t let anyone stand in his way and that sealed it. He had to kill Henry if he wanted to survive.

His decision to murder Henry and make it look like an accident was thwarted, however, by Charming arriving with some bad news- Neal was shot (by his fiancé) and sent through a portal and was likely dead. Gold had a breakdown and when Charming tried to get him to help save the town from inevitable destruction and stop the people who killed Neal, he explained that “they didn’t kill my son, I did.” He was prepared to die and face the consequences of his actions and retired to his shop with Lacey, while the town went to hell around them. Unable to confide in Lacey about his son’s death, he used a memory potion he got literally five minutes earlier that the Blue Fairy created (WOW SUCH TIMING VERY PLOT) that restored Belle’s memories (apologizing to her because he didn’t want to “wake her up to die,” but he needed her) and the two of them share a tender embrace as they prepared for the end.

The end didn’t come, however. Emma and Regina saved the town and Henry was abducted by Tamara and her partner and they escaped via one of two remaining magic beans. Gold agreed to follow the Charmings, Regina, and a kind of redeemed Hook in pursuit of them, and gave Belle a protection spell to ward the town, telling her that the only way he could honor his dead son was by saving Henry and accepting the prophecy- he won’t be coming back to her. Belle told him that fate can be changed and that she would see him again and he joined the Charmings on Hook’s ship, where they use the last bean to sail off to Neverland- aka the place where his father lived.

Knowing what must be done in Neverland and not wanting to be weighed down by Charming morality, Gold left the group as soon as they arrived and headed into the jungle alone, where he tracked down Tamara, now dying thanks to a Lost Boy arrow. He saved her life and interrogated her about Henry’s whereabouts and expressed genuine sympathy for her plight when she apologized for what happened to Neal, but when she begged him for forgiveness, he denied it and ripped her heart out, killing her. Shortly, after he was found by Pan’s second-in-command (Felix), who told him that Pan was excited to see him (of course he was) and that he could stay as long as he liked (yeah where was that hospitality WHEN YOU ABANDONED HIM AS A CHILD) and that there was only one caveat- if he was here to get Henry , then that made him Pan’s enemy. Gold explained that he knew he was going to die and that he didn’t care and he’d bring down as many Lost Boys with him as it took to get Henry back. Felix fled back into the jungle, but not before throwing a doll at him- that last thing Malcolm gave his son before he ran off and became Peter Pan. Overwhelmed, Gold cried about it for awhile and ended up with decision paralysis about facing his father.

He cut off his shadow and sent it away with his dagger to keep Pan from getting it and proceeded to do nothing for awhile, until he began seeing a vision of Belle, who offered him advice about letting go of his past and embracing his future and all that bullshit. Eventually, he decided that he would go after Henry and confided in the Hallucibelle that he had nothing to live for, and that he had no future with her, because eventually she’d see him for what he really was- a monster. His only true ending was breaking his nasty habit of self-preservation and dying to save Henry.

As he geared up for his confrontation with Pan, he met Neal in the woods and believing him to be a trick tried to attack him. Neal convinced him he was the real deal and, relieved that he wasn’t dead, Gold explained that the only way he could go up against Pan was to be willing to die- which he was. Neal told them there was another way and the pair of them went fishing for squid ink to hold Pan while they got Henry. Unfortunately, as soon as they enacted the plan, Pan decided now was a great time to drop the whole prophecy bomb on Neal and while they successfully got Henry away, Neal forced Gold to admit the truth- that he had planned to kill Henry to subvert the prophecy, regardless of what his current intentions were. Unconvinced that his father had really changed, Neal used the squid ink to bind Gold and took Henry and leaves, despite Gold warning him that he’d never survive without his magic to protect him. Once again, Gold is left alone, unsure of how to proceed. And Neal got abducted by Pan and Henry taken from him, so Gold was right about that. Hah.

Hallucibelle managed to convince a broken Gold to return to Storybrooke and abandon his mission entirely, but before he could take her hand, Regina appeared and forced the hallucination to show itself for what it really was- Pan’s shadow. Regina then proceed to belittle Gold for being a FUCKING IDIOT, which he didn’t argue, because he sure had been wandering around the jungle like a moron for six episodes. He was still hung up on his plan to kill Pan, but Regina planted another idea in his head- maybe they could trap him. They enlisted the help of a mermaid named Ariel, who could swim to Storybrooke, and sent her to find Belle. While they’re waiting, Regina asked Gold if he really thought that Belle would be able to get what they needed, and he actually broke down and admitted his real and true feelings for Belle- a matter he’d avoided up until this moment, especially when it came to Regina. Ariel returned, now with Pandora’s Box in tow, and Gold and Regina reunited with the rest of the party, but not before Gold sent Ariel back with a message for Belle- he would see her again.

Because Gold has no luck at all, Neal had already reunited with everyone by the time they arrived and immediately told everyone that Gold intended to kill Henry. Gold’s explanations fell on deaf ears and to earn the trust of the group, he gave Neal Pandora’s Box, so Neal could stop him if he tried to go for Henry’s throat. Emma, Neal, Regina, and Gold went out to Skull Rock to face Pan in the final showdown, but only Gold could pass through Pan’s barrier because he didn’t cast a shadow. Neal gave him Pandora’s Box, now believing he was telling the truth the whole time, and with the blessing of the team, he went to face his father once and for all.

Pan, in a desperate gambit to get Gold off his dick about the whole #SaveHenry plotline, tried to play the devoted father card and offered him a deal to make a fresh start with him here in Neverland. Gold refused, claiming that he’d be making a fresh start, but not with him. Unfortunately, Pan had a million ranks in sleight of hand and when Gold went to open Pandora’s Box, he realized it had been switched with a fake and Pan had the real one. He sealed Gold into the box and proceeded with his plan to take Henry’s heart and live forever.
He… failed, however, and Gold was released from Pandora’s Box on the trip home once Henry was rescued. He and Neal reconciled at long last, but just before everyone could return to Storybrooke, Gold sensed a disturbance in the force and everyone rushed downstairs where Pan was trying to attack Henry. Gold sealed Pan in Pandora’s Box and everything was finally great. Yay.

Gold reunited with Belle and confessed to her that now that the prophecy had been subverted, he had to start thinking about his future and the only future he cared for was the one where the two of them were together. Unfortunately, as Storybrooke couldn’t go five minutes without imploding, his future planning with Belle was cut short by the Charmings on the verge of another crisis, because they believed that Pan was still causing a problem from within Pandora’s Box. They took Pan out into the woods with the intent to execute him over the town line where he’d have no magic to fight back, only to find Pan trying to convince everyone he was actually Henry. Gold refused to believe it wasn’t a trick, but Panry managed to convince Emma and they realized the true danger- if Henry was in Pan’s body, then Pan was in Henry’s body.

They rushed to Regina’s vault, but were too late- Pan had stolen the scroll that contained the Dark Curse Regina cast twenty-eight years ago to make Storybrooke with the intent to re-cast it and plunge everyone back into their cursed states. Gold and the rest devised a plan to switch Pan and Henry back and destroy the scroll to eliminate the new curse (TEAMWORK AND FAMILY). Once everything was set and Henry was returned to his own body, Gold remained alone with an unconscious Pan to finally deal with his father once and for all. The dramatic conversation that Gold was hoping for (one where Pan regrets everything he ever did and understands what a terrible burden he put on his son) didn’t happen- what he got was a treatise on how much he sucked and how badly his father wanted to be free of him, so Gold deigned to oblige him his request by murdering him. Unfortunately, the band that Gold put on Pan that was meant to suppress his magic didn’t work on him, but it did work on Gold- a matter Pan demonstrated, and then proceeded to curbstomp his son, telling him that he’d kill everyone he loved and he’d be powerless to stop it. As Pan left to make good on this threats, Gold, in an act of desperation, considered cutting off his own hand to get his magic back, but decided against it at the last minute- CHARACTER GROWTH. He tracked down Pan, who was about to murder Gold’s entire family, and confessed that he had a job to finish and he had to do it no matter what it took- no more loopholes. He said his goodbyes to Belle and Neal, thanking Belle for making him stronger and telling Neal that he could still get a happy ending, but it wouldn’t be with him, and summoned his shadow (and his dagger) back to him. He stabbed Pan in the back, causing Pan to revert back into Malcolm, who begged him to stop this, because they still had a chance to have a happy ending. Gold responded with, “I’m a villain… and villains don’t get happy endings,” before completing whatever weird spell he was performing, which caused some sort of magical singularity that made both of them disappear. Don’t question it. The important thing is he thought he sacrificed himself to save his family and that’s all that matters.

So anyway, Gold is dead. He’s very dead. So dead.

As for the rest of everyone else, the course correction of the curse Pan put on Storybrooke would send everyone except Emma and Henry back to the Enchanted Forest, so to deal with this Regina altered Emma and Henry’s memories so they could lead a happy life elsewhere, while everyone else went back to their home. Unfortunately, no one was really happy about this scenario, especially not Neal, who wanted to get back to his son… and his ex. Figuring there was a way to bring his father back from the dead, he and Belle go on an epic quest and long story short, Neal ends up getting manipulated by none other than Zelena (told you she’d be back) to trade his life to bring Gold back. Gold does not take this well and the only rational response to this is to… absorb Neal into his body, but the agony of this fucking bizarre magic causes him to drop the Dark One’s dagger, allowing Zelena to take control over him.

And so Zelena kept Rumple in a fucking cage, while he slowly went fucknuts insane, because sharing your body with your dying son is terrible for your already fragile mental state. Zelena’s ultimate endgame was changing the past so that she could have everything Regina got (okay, Jan), and she needed Rumple (specifically his brain) to complete this task. When Snow and Charming cast another Dark Curse to return them to Storybrooke, Zelena’s plans continue with Rumple locked up in a cage in her fucking cellar, babbling like a maniac to himself. Eventually, he manages to escape, because Neal took control of his body, and since Neal is not controlled by the dagger, he doesn’t have to do anything Zelena tells him. This eventually culminates in Emma finding Nealstiltskin in the woods and the two of them separate, which restores Rumple’s sanity at the cost of Neal’s life. Neal dies in front of Emma and Rumple, and Zelena eventually comes to collect her Dark One, but not before Gold threatens the fuck out of her.

Zelena continues her plans with Rumple as her sadsack pawn, but just as she’s about to finally complete the ritual, Regina pulls through with some light magic whammy and puts an end to that bullshit once and for all. Gold, now in control of himself again, proceeds to try and murder Zelena, but he’s stopped by Regina, and denied his vengeance, he returns to his beloved Belle and proposes to her by using his dagger, offering it to her as a sign of his trust in her.

Except the fucking dagger is a fake and it was all an elaborate ruse, because Gold is a shitstain with control issues that have been extremely exacerbated by the awful fucking year he’s been having. He goes to Zelena’s jail cell and allegedly kills her (this will also not bite him in the ass later), and proceeds to get married to Belle. It is a marriage of LIES.

So then in Disney’s ultimate gambit to milk a cash cow for all it’s worth, Frozen comes to Storybrooke, but Gold doesn’t really give a fuck about that, because while honeymooning with Belle in an abandoned house, he finds an object he has always deeply desired- The Sorcerer’s hat, which will allow him to sever himself from the Dark One’s dagger permanently. Seeing as he has some issues with that at the present moment, he throws himself whole-heartedly into figuring out how to get the hat to where it needs to be, including allying with the Villain of the Moment- the Snow Queen Ingrid, who plans to bring the Curse of Shattered Sight to Storybrooke so she can run off with Elsa and Emma and… Honestly, Gold doesn’t give a shit about any of this. He’s pretty focused on his hat trick.

In exchange for three magic ribbons, Ingrid gives him the final ingredient for what he needs to complete the spell that will sever him from the dagger, which is the heart of someone who knew him before he became the Dark One. He corners Hook, proclaims that he’s his oldest friend like a maniac, and rips his heart out. He proceeds to use Hook as his personal errand boy and bitch for the duration of the season as he prepares to work on his spell, while VEHEMENTLY LYING TO HIS WIFE. Gold is going through some shit and it made him an even bigger shitheel than normal.

Unfortunately, Gold never gets to finish his spell, because when all is revealed, Belle manages to find the real dagger by using the gauntlet that she thought he had traded to Ursula, Cruella, and Maleficent for her life so many years earlier, which says a lot about her husband. She uses the dagger to command Gold to the town line where she forces him over it, thereby banishing him from Storybrooke forever, and forcing him to hitchhike his crippled ass all the way to New York. And also breaking up with him, because she has finally realized that power will always mean more to him than anything else.

Having nowhere else to go, Gold retreats to his DEAD SON’S APARTMENT, which for some reason has not gone back on the market despite having been abandoned for a fucking year and a half by now. Unfortunately, said apartment is now currently occupied by Robin Hood and his family, who Regina sent over the town line earlier in the season in order to save Robin’s wife’s life. Before he can get righteously indignant about this, Gold keels over and Robin has him taken to a hospital, where Gold reveals that he’s dying. The Dark One’s curse is slowly overwhelming him and when his heart goes completely black, there will no longer be any Gold or Rumplestiltskin. Only Zuul. Or the Dark One. Whatever. During this tragic clusterfuck and currently helpless on a hospital bed, Robin’s wife turns up in his room, revealing herself to be Zelena under a powerful transformation spell. BECAUSE SURPRISE GOLD, YOU SUCK AT MURDERING PEOPLE. Zelena casually molests him for a little while, and then barters with him for an elixir that can save his life- she’ll hand it over, if he gets the Author (the person who controls all their happy endings) to write her a happy ending. He agrees and, once out of the hospital, sets himself on a drastic course to return to Storybrooke and find the Author.

But first he spends six months crashing at Ursula’s shitty apartment, eating her food, crying into her couch, and pretending to be cool on the internet to send his estranged wife messages about ancient text translations (in order to free an ancient evil from the Sorcerer’’s magical hat that he failed to use to sever himself from the dagger). But after that part is over, he and Ursula find Cruella and go on a road trip, where we learn that while Gold isn’t too good for reheatable noodles, he’s definitely too good for fried chicken.

Using Ursula and Cruella as his way into Storybrooke, the sorceresses appeal to Regina and the Charmings by claiming they want “second chances” and would like to enter Storybrooke so they can have a chance to change like Regina did. Sympathetic, and after the women explain how to defeat the aforementioned evil that Rumple tricked the townspeople into releasing, Regina gives them the counterspell they need to break through the barrier surrounding Storybrooke, which the two women later give to Gold, allowing him to return to town, toss his cane away, and become a fucking badass Dark Lord again.

Gold moves into his cabin in the woods, while he sends Ursula and Cruella to do his dirty work. Their first order of business is resurrecting Maleficent, reuniting the band once again. After asking Cruella and Ursula if Belle mentioned him at all when they went to his shop, the pair tell them that she didn’t mention him at all, prompting him to go and spy on her like a creep, where he finds her in the arms of consummate thief and Former Star of That Ill-Fated Spin-Off TV’s Will Scarlet ™ , which… understandably upsets Gold a lot. Enough that he fucking uses a transformation spell to disguise himself as Hook in order to run around on an adventure with Belle and trick her into handing over the dagger to him, so he can “hide” it. Belle expresses concern that Gold may already be in town, and Hook!Gold encourages her to try and summon him with the dagger to prove it, which… doesn’t work, because Gold is STANDING RIGHT THERE. You are a terrible husband, Gold. As he and Belle return to the pawn shop, they make a “pirate oath” to never discuss this matter with each other or anyone else (so Gold can cover his ass), and then Gold proceeds to ask her about Will, and she explains that the relationship is new and that he makes her happy. So that happened.

With the dagger back in his hands, and Regina on the side of his Queens of Darkness (due to her being a double agent), Gold takes the next step in their plan to find the Author through Pinocchio, who, at the moment, is just a child, but Gold fixes a horrible mistake on the part of this canon and turns him back into August, and then proceeds to take out some anger he’s had since Season One on the poor bastard by torturing him. By… forcefeeding him a potion that will make his nose grow when he lies, and basically leaning him over a fireplace. And also there were terrible puns involved. So yeah. Anyway, August eventually confesses that there’s a page in Henry’s storybook that contains a drawing of a door and that the Author is sealed behind said door. Gold demands to know where the door is located, but August admits he doesn’t know, which makes him pretty much useless to Gold and the Spice Girls.

After obtaining a photo image of the storybook page with the door, Gold figures out the FILES ARE IN THE COMPUTER… or that the Author is actually sealed within the page, and sets out to retrieve it, and on the way Maleficent pressures him to give her information on her missing daughter, because apparently he’s now Child Services, as well as the Dark One. Since Ursula SPECTACULARLY BETRAYED THEM, Gold makes her a deal that he will reveal the child’s fate, so long as she keeps helping him find the Author. Spurred on, Maleficent puts the whole town under a sleeping curse (though those who had previously been under one are immune- meaning Henry, Snow, and Charming), while Gold and the Shirelles try to hunt down the storybook page. Gold sneaks off to his shop, where he talks to a sleeping Belle and confesses that he’s doing this because he’s basically dying and he can never clear the red from his ledger, etc. etc. Basically, he needs the Author’s help to rewrite his story and fix his problems, because he is a failure as a human being.

As he leaves, the Bangles arrive with the procured storybook page, which Gold immediately sees as a fake, because he’s a goddamn pawnbroker, you hussies. Fingering Regina as the reason why the mission failed, he has her hauled off to her vault and orders Maleficent to put her to sleep, but not before Maleficent finds out that her daughter has been living in this world for almost thirty years and is somewhere outside Storybrooke.

Eventually, the Author is freed and after escaping from everyone and fleeing into the woods, he runs across Gold, who bribes him with an enchanted quill that he can use to begin writing stories again and a place to hide from Emma and the others, so long as he writes a story where all the villains get their happy endings. Afterwards, Gold comes to Regina, shackled to prevent magic use (but not asleep because Maleficent wussed out), and allows her to call Robin Hood in New York, where she quickly learns that her former True Love is unwittingly playing house with her evil sister. Gold explains to Regina that if she doesn’t help him turn Emma’s heart to darkness (the final ingredient to finishing the story that Gold wants the Author to write), then he will have Zelena kill Robin. Regina refuses, because she doesn’t want Gold to fuck Emma up like he did her.

After Regina is released in order to think about her life and her choices, Gold receives a summons from Belle, wherein he pours his heart out to her- literally by ripping out his own heart- and explains his situation to her, hoping for sympathy, because surely the way to preserve his ability to love is worth becoming the ultimate douchecanoe. Belle supposedly reconciles with him, but as they break apart from the kiss, Belle coldly remarks that Will is a better kisser than he is and proceeds to tear into him, while Gold stares on in horror. Regina steps out, revealing she’d taken Belle’s heart in order to manipulate him and threatens to crush it if he tells Zelena anything about her plans to rescue Robin from her. Gold relents, but teams up with Will in order to steal Belle’s heart back in the most random buddy cop event of the summer, going as far as to express remorse to Belle when he returns her heart to her, and basically gives her and Will his blessing, which would be touching if he weren’t planning on rewriting history. Goddammit Gold.

Gold and the Author’s plans to achieve Total Savior Darkness are spurred along by Emma murdering Cruella in cold blood in order to protect her son, but the plan is derailed when Emma leaves town to hunt for Maleficent’s daughter, though Gold is certain that Emma will become dark regardless of where she is, despite the Author’s protestations. However, Emma manages to keep control over herself and returns to the town with Lily, Maleficent’s daughter, in tow, and Gold, fearing the end, as his heart condition worsens, collapses in his shop, where he’s found by Regina. She doubts that he’s actually dying, but Gold explains to her that Rumplestiltskin will die, and that she won’t like the Dark One when he’s no longer home. He pleads with her to help him write their happy endings, but Regina, seeing an opportunity, given Gold is physically weak, steals the magic quill from him, and runs away to find the Author. Too bad the Author is an asshole, who tricks Regina RIGHT BACK, and returns to the shop with the tools required to write the new story, which Gold helps dictate to him, including ensuring that he remembers doing everything possible for his son’s sake, rather than fucking him over.

Once the Author finishes the story, everyone is transported into an alternate reality where up is down and meaning has no meaning and also the heroes are villains and the villains are heroes, and Gold is a Knight known as… The Light One. I cannot make this up. As Henry races to fix what the Author broke, a desperate Author comes to Rumple, claiming that the only way he can protect his family (he’s married to Belle and for some reason they have usurped Snow and Charming’s newborn son as their own) is by killing Henry before Regina interrupts Robin Hood’s wedding and gets her happy ending. He’s conflicted by this and tries to seek answers from Belle, who tells him that he’ll make the right choice because he’s a hero. Which… ultimately means Gold chooses self-preservation and the assurance of his own happy ending and goes off to MURDER A CHILD. After a fight in front of the church, Rumple is about to land a killing blow on Henry, but Regina abandons her attempts to interrupt the wedding (and her own chance at happiness) to protect Henry. To prevent Regina’s death and fix everything, Henry harnesses the power of the magic quill, becomes the next Author, and rewrites everything back the way it was.

Which… means Gold is back to dying on the floor of his shop. Belle arrives to ensure that he doesn’t hurt anyone else, but softens when she realizes he’s fucking dying. Knowing he’s slipping away, he reminisces about being happy with her in the alternate reality, but Belle insists that they were happy in Storybrooke before he cocked it up and decided she wasn’t enough for him. Gold confesses that he just couldn’t allow himself to believe that anyone could love him and that’s why it wasn’t enough, and Belle calls bullshit on that and says she knew what she was getting into. As he lays dying (even more), Gold wishes her happiness with Will, and Belle confesses that she doesn’t love Will AND SHE IS NOT LETTING YOU DIE BEFORE YOU GET A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC, YOU BACKSLIDING FUCKTARD.

Using the Sorcerer’s hat, an attempt is made to hoover vac the darkness out of Rumple’s heart, thereby “resetting” him, though there’s no assurance that he’ll survive the process and he’s put into a magical coma. The Dark One’s power, however, turns out to be too strong for the hat, and after a brutal confrontation with the swirling vortex of DARK MAGIC, the darkness latches onto Emma, and she becomes the new Dark One.

Six months later, The Dark Swan ™ kidnaps a comatose Gold and, using a sword that Hook had used on Rumple before he was the Dark One, awakens the poor bastard with a spell, explaining that because they siphoned the darkness out of his heart, he is now an empty canvas, capable of great good or great evil, but currently neither, and she’s going to make him a hero so that he can pull Excalibur out of the stone, because it’s… currently hiding in the dwarf mines. Because of magic. Yep.

After some bondage and a lot of pleading because Gold has fallen back on his cowardly PLEASE-DON’T-HURT-ME ways, due to not having the confidence or the magic to back up his usual swagger, Emma enlists Merida (yes that one) via stealing her heart to make a man out of Gold. This doesn’t really go well, until Merida steals the chipped cup and tries to use it to spur Gold on. It works for a bit, but ultimately Gold ends up smashing the cup to pieces in order to use the pieces to cut his bonds. Thus completes his cycle of character reset. He flees to the library where he finds Belle and proceeds to tell her that her belief in him kept him alive while he was in a coma and that for awhile, he thought about dying and just letting all this end, but she kept him alive. He confesses his cowardice and proceeds to whine about how he’s an awful person and a coward. Belle, still unsure about his sincerity and not wanting to fall back into a vicious cycle, drags Gold up by his sadsack bootstraps and helps him limp over to his shop, hoping to find some magic they can use to prevent Merida from coming after them. Gold manages to get a bag of some sort from his safe, just as Merida arrives to make Belle into a pincushion in order to turn Gold into a hero by the way of Silver Age comic books. Belle literally rips the rug out from under Merida, and she and Gold depart by way of Gold’s Cadillac, which would be a great plan, until Belle realizes that Gold is trying to flee Storybrooke entirely and that the bag is to prevent the transformation magic that Emma put on the townline. When Gold refuses to stop the car and turn around, Belle all but hurls herself out of it and begins WALKING BACK TO TOWN, because she doesn’t want to deal with Gold’s self-preservation cowardly nonsense, once again leaving him at the town line.

Emma forces Merida to drink a potion that turns into a Horrible CGI Bear ™, and she proceeds to hunt Belle down, and just as things seem dire for our favorite librarian, Gold arrives and manages to beat Merida with his wits and a few well-thrown rocks, proving himself capable of facing down uncertain death to protect Belle without having any idea of how the odds might have been stacked in his favor. Belle, thrilled to death to see that Gold has finally become the man she always wanted him to be, expresses her gratitude that he saved her, prompting Gold to reply that “she saved him.”

With Merida in tow, Belle and Gold return to Dark Swan HQ, where Gold, now back to his swaggering confidence proceeds to command the room and tells Emma that he knows she can’t resist making a deal- he’ll remove Excalibur from the stone, if she’ll return Merida’s heart to her. Emma agrees to the terms, and Gold, not knowing if Excalibur will accept him (if it doesn’t, he’ll die), tells Belle that he wishes he could have been the man she deserved and that if he had the chance to do it over again, he’d change everything for her. Belle tells him it’s not too late, and with that…. Gold pulls the sword from the stone, proving that Emma has made a dangerous error- she made a very clever man with more knowledge about darkness than anyone in the world a hero, and that’s probably not a great thing for her.

He’ll be arriving just after that moment.




Abilities/Special Powers: [BROKEN LAUGHTER]

Gold’s extremely powerful magic came from being the Dark One, and he… is not the Dark One anymore. However, he is still capable of using magic if presented with magical artifacts and knows enough about them to wield them effectively, though it’s probably best not to… let him. He is a recovering addict after all.

As of right now, Gold’s power lies in the fact that he is extremely old and extremely wise. He knows how to play angles and knows all too well how people who’ve succumbed to the darkness work, which he uses to his advantage. Basically, he’s just… a very, very smart bastard with a newfound heroic streak. And he can hit you with his cane really, really hard.

Third-Person Sample: The sword doesn’t clatter on hard stone, but rather lands with a thump on sand, and Gold’s eyes shift to the scenery around him. A beach. A beach that is, most certainly not in Storybrooke.

The annoyance, which would have been the first thing to grace his mind, fades prematurely in the wake of a more important panic- Belle and Merida. Had Swan chosen to go back on their deal? And where the hell was she? He grips his cane with a white-knuckled hand. Foolish girl, playing at darkness, like she was an expert at it. Doesn’t she remember who taught the darkest women she ever met? Doesn’t she know there’s a certain politesse to all of this?

“This is extremely poor conduct, Ms. Swan,” he scowls, leaning down to pick up the broken sword, rather than let it lay here in the sand. “We had a deal.”

He’s answered by the waves on the shore. “A deal, I might add, you handled rather poorly,” he studies the sword in his hand, smirking half to himself. “You never pay up front, and you never leave a loophole.” He never did say he’d give her the sword, after all- just that he’d pull it out. If he were a different man than he is now, he might have exploited that. But he didn’t. Oh no, she’s the one exploiting things now.

Amateur.

There’s still no answer- no puff of smoke, no maniacal giggling, though he suspects that’s not a carryover for Emma. Give it a few years- if you live that long- maybe then. Theatrics, however, were an early onset part of being the Dark One, and if Emma Swan hasn’t appeared to him yet, then she simply isn’t going to appear.

His expression darkens. “Well,” he drawls, the broken sword, dangling from the hand not currently gripping the cane. He doesn’t look like a hero, but he can certainly feel the impulse to do something reckless, dangerous and exceedingly unpragmatic. This must be how Charming feels all the time. “It’s always something, isn’t it?”

First-Person Sample:

[As the device flicks on, a familiar face is visible, though one most people probably thought belonged to a man who died horribly a few months ago. He has a significant more amount of silver in his hair than the last time anyone saw him, and he looks mildly agitated, but otherwise composed.]

I’m aware that most of you seem to remember me being here before. Unfortunately, I don’t remember any of that. Not to worry- that does seem to happen quite a bit where I’m from. I’m certain it will sort itself out in time. [Or it won’t. Honestly, Gold’s pretty sure he’s a far more different person now than he was when these people last saw him, so perhaps it’s for the best.]

That being said, I’m going to assume this isn’t some new curse of some kind. At least not one that makes any sense, because, really, I would think our new Dark One has more sense than this, but, ah, that might be giving her more credit than she deserves. [sorry, Emma, but you’re really harshing his jive and he’s pissed at you.] Care to correct me, Regina?

[how does he know you’re even here. maybe he doesn’t. maybe he just assumes she is. maybe he stalked you. maybe this is just your life now, reggie.]